We often hear about the importance of "living according to our values," but what does that really mean? More importantly, how do we figure out what our core values actually are? In this guide, we'll explore practical ways to uncover the principles that truly matter to you and learn how to use them as a compass for life's important decisions.
Why Core Values Matter
Think of your core values as your personal operating system – they're the underlying code that influences every choice you make, from career decisions to relationships. When we live in alignment with our values, we experience greater satisfaction and authenticity. When we don't, we often feel that nagging sense that something's "off," even if we can't quite explain why.
Practical Exercises to Discover Your Core Values
Exercise 1: The Peak Experience Analysis
1. Recall 3-5 moments in your life when you felt most proud, fulfilled, or alive
2. Write down these experiences in detail
3. Analyze what specific elements made these moments meaningful
4. Look for patterns in these elements – they often point to core values
Exercise 2: The Anger Indicator
1. List situations that have made you feel particularly angry or frustrated
2. Ask yourself: "What value of mine was being violated in these situations?"
3. For example, if you get angry when someone takes credit for your work, this might indicate that honesty and recognition are important values to you
Exercise 3: The Desert Island Test
Imagine you're going to a desert island and can only take three principles with you that would guide all your decisions and actions. What would they be? This forced prioritization helps identify what truly matters most to you.
Defining Your Values with Clarity
Once you've identified potential core values, it's essential to define them specifically for yourself. A value like "integrity" might mean different things to different people. Here's how to add clarity:
1. Write a Personal Definition
- Don't rely on dictionary definitions
- Explain what this value means to you specifically
- Include examples of how this value shows up in daily life
2. Create Value Statements
Instead of just listing "creativity," write:
"I value creativity, which means I prioritize finding unique solutions and expressing myself authentically, even when it's challenging."
3. Test Your Values
For each potential core value, ask:
- Would I stand by this even if it disadvantaged me?
- Does this value reflect who I am, not who I think I should be?
- Would I be comfortable telling others about this value?
Putting Your Values into Practice
Identifying your values is just the beginning. Here's how to actually live them:
1. Create a Values-Based Decision Framework
- When facing choices, explicitly check them against your core values
- Ask: "Which option best aligns with my values?"
2. Regular Value Check-ins
- Schedule monthly reviews of your actions and choices
- Assess how well they aligned with your stated values
- Adjust your behavior or refine your values as needed
3. Share Your Values
- Communicate your values to important people in your life
- This creates accountability and helps others understand your choices
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
- Don't Choose Aspirational Values: Your core values should reflect who you truly are, not who you wish you were
- Avoid Too Many Values: Limit yourself to 5-7 core values; too many dilute their power
- Watch for Conflicts: Some values might conflict with each other; acknowledge this and decide which takes precedence
Moving Forward
Remember that identifying and living by your core values is a journey, not a destination. Your values may evolve as you grow and gain new experiences. The key is to maintain an ongoing dialogue with yourself about what truly matters to you and why.
Take time this week to work through these exercises. Start with the Peak Experience Analysis and see what patterns emerge. You might be surprised to discover that your core values have been there all along, quietly guiding you. Now it's time to bring them into the light and let them guide you consciously toward a more authentic and fulfilling life.
What values will you uncover in your personal code?
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